In life, I believe things always come in cycles. Some times these are bad cycles of despair, sorrow and loss. Others are full of happiness, love and joy. Right now i’m in the despair cycle. Filled with grief and sadness. But that is not what is picking at me. It is the stress I’m facing.
So much is going on in my life right now, It’s hard to just keep up with the day to day routine let alone worry about what the future holds. I’m seventeen for all who don’t know. This means little to anyone whose experienced what it is like to seventeen before. Sure I face the struggles of school related stress but the stress that gets me most is relationship stress.
Recently, and In a future blog post will expand on this, I got dumped by my boyfriend. Truth is he did not break up with me because he fell ‘out of love’ with me but more so because the stress of being in a relationship was too much for him. He had his own set of issues to deal with, along with medical related issues that really worried him. Even though it ruined my heart, I knew it was best for him. However, time has passed and feelings have not moved on. Both of us feel strong amounts of love towards the other, and he just got a lot of stress off his shoulders.
But what does this mean for me? What am I suppose to do? He says he’d consider dating again but how will this affect me? I could be totally heartbroken all over again. The stress that comes with relationship is overwhelming and recently I read on a FaceBook article about relationships and anxiety, which I suffer from. The stress of not knowing what will happen between me and my ex is killing, and every cosmo article I read tells me something different. I’ve reached the stage of pure pain over the stress this is causing me. I want to forgive and forget and put it all behind me, but how can one do that when they have so much pressure to be the best person they can be.
Anyways, as you can tell me blog posts are not structured at all, and probably don’t make a lot of sense to anyone but myself. And I accept this because the point of having this account is to just express myself in a way that I can’t to anyone. The stress of being seventeen is hard. In fact, its severe at the moment. But I know that after the cycle of despair, comes the cycle of happiness, and I will be counting down the days til this comes back around again.