So recently I have been feeling like absolute shit and noticed that I am indeed depressed. I know what you are thinking, she is over-reacting once again. But too be fair I have had a shitty last few weeks. My ex-boyfriend who I did love does not love me back, my sister needs to be admitted into a mental hospital, I’m failing in my school work and just generally am completely bored with myself and my life. Pretty much to put it easier, I have no happiness. I want someone to love and care for me so bad but yet there is no one out there who does. I am living in a dark hole and want to meet new people but thats the problem with living in a small town. There is no one here. I rely so heavily on someone else to make me happy, and I don’t want to be so reliant but I also have no other option. Everyone around me is always so happy and just living life to the fullest and experiencing the full teen years. When I am here lying in my bed for endless days on end thinking about death and how I could end all the pain at once.
Now don’t jump to any scary thoughts, I would never kill myself because I know the damage it would bring on my family and the people who do love me, but like any depressed teenager, I have thought about it often. I think what I need to do is just stop worrying about my happiness and just live life and wait till I have finished school so that I can people the person I want to be, and travel and just be in love with myself and the world. But it is the waiting before that can happen that will slowly drown me.
Anyways, sad rant over and hey future me, I hope you are happy right now with your life, and you have found a nice guy, got a good job and travelling the world instead of being a sad teenager. one day you’ll read this and remember those teenage years and you’ll be so happy you got through this tough time.
Love MightyKitKat, xoxoxo