Welcome to 2018! The year of wonderful things, the year of love and the year of amazing experiences!
Somehow I thought that starting the new year at my boyfriends house sitting in his bedroom alone and drinking would be the start to the best year so far. We sat and talked and once it hit midnight we made love. Yet here I am with another sad story.
It’s March and it is already been the biggest failure of the supposable best year ever. Basically long story short, my boyfriend broke up with me…. again. Yep this is the same boyfriend who broke my heart just last year. The same one that i was so deeply madly in love with. Yep that is the one. The one who tore me up again, the one who had shown me what love truly was. Turns out he had been struggling with his own mental health for months and didn’t tell me (dick move). As well as that i had been struggling with my sisters ongoing OCD disorder and well as my own depression and anxiety. He didn’t tell me and thats how we got here. He broke it off before he thought it would help me but more importantly that the relationship was causing him too much stress so bye bitches he is gone. Didn’t even want to try and sort things. Which is incredibly lame. Very lame.
Although this is my second breakup and in a way it is better than the first time due to the fact that it was first ever breakup EVER. But this one also a heck lot more because I actually was so love in with him, and we did everything together including swiping the V card. So I have a lot of sentimental feelings towards him and memories that just won’t ever leave my mind. I have packed up a box of things that he gave me, photos of us and his clothing into a box and I feel so tempted to just leave outside his house to prove to him that he hurt me but also I want this memorabilia to look back on in later years, as the first boy I loved.
It is very hard and I know he is going through a lot but i can’t help but think that in a few weeks time he will coming running back to me and want me back again….. like last time. It feels like history is repeating all over again and I can’t handle it. I feel so helpless as I am so worried he will hurt himself and get very depressed but also i need to look after myself more than anything.
I have no clue if i will take him back if he comes running back, deep down i know i shouldn’t but also love makes you do stupid stupid things.
Goodbye for now future self. Hope you haven’t forgotten this boy yet.